30-days of enhanced social connection
So, today marks the end of my 30-day challenge to enhance my social connections and I have to say it’s been an interesting experience with plenty of learnings along the way.
I’ll be honest, this wasn’t my idea - I’ve been taking a course by Laurie Santos of Yale University called The Science of Well-Being (highly recommended and it’s FREE!) and the homework for the last module is to pick one rewirement* and focus on it for a month. After feeling like my social connection could do with a boost I decided to go for this.
I’m extremely lucky to have a good group of friends and loving family and in that sense I’ve never thought I’m lacking in social connection. But, being an introvert I am aware that this trait often holds me back in forming deeper connections. So, this was my aim for the challenge - not necessarily to form more connections but instead to form deeper, enhanced connections.
So what did I learn?
Do I feel like I’ve enhanced my social connections?
Do I feel more connected?
Do I now have a packed social calendar or have I gone back into hibernation?
Here’s my top 5 learnings:
Trying new things and places with others definitely enhances my happiness. I finally went surfing (after 4 years of living by the beach) and I have to say I’m a little obsessed already! Experiencing this with others meant a lot of laughter (at each other’s expense!) and has given us a connection outside of our usual environment. We’ve added another layer to our friendship that wasn’t there before.
Learning No. 1 - tick!
I re-connected with friends I hadn’t spoken to for a while. Not just messages but real-time conversation. We shared and listened and came away feeling joyful. I realised how technology has impacted my real-time connection. Why does a phone call have to be planned? What ever happened to just dialling a number and seeing if the person is home? Hearing someone’s voice over reading a message brings a much deeper connection and you get to actually hear the emotion behind their thoughts - if I will take one action from this month - choose to call or voice note people over text message.
Learning No. 2 - tick!
I had vulnerable conversations that I’d held back from before. I asked for help and allowed myself to receive support. This has led deeper connections and I’ve realised my friends and family actually enjoy being asked to help - we all love to feel useful right?
Learning No. 3 - tick!
When the 30 days started I was worrying how I would fit in 30 days of long conversations, adventures, coffee catch ups as well as managing time zones (expat life!). But, I soon realised strengthening connection doesn’t have a time allocated. It is just about being present. That can be in a 1-minute conversation, in a voice note offering more than a hello or even reading a message and taking the time to digest what it says not just offering an auto pilot response. Being present deepens your connection and shows you are actively listening - a trait a lot of us feel hard with all the distractions around.
Learning No. 4 - tick!
The unexpected change over 30 days - I feel more connected to myself. In fact, I am sitting writing this while I enjoy a little staycation by a picture postcard and empty beach just 30-minutes from my home in Phuket (Covid has some advantages!). My mind was telling me to have a change of scenery and I was finally able to lean in, listen and connect. So I guess my social calendar is looking a little more full nowadays, but I’m also leaning into my introvert side and giving myself space to rest, disconnect from others to reconnect with myself.
Learning No. 5 - tick!
My advice for you - give this a go - experiment over the next 30-days and see how you can enhance your social connections and any note down the benefits you see through doing so. Use these 3 questions to get you started:
Who do I want to connect with this month? Why?
Who in my social circle brings me instant joy?
In what ways will I connect with these people?
Let me know how you get on!
* ‘We call them “rewirements” because they’re practices aimed at rewiring your habits. Research suggests that if you do these rewirements as prescribed, you should get a boost in your mood and overall well-being’ (https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being)
